Let's Talk Wellness: Relationships

Happy February! This month, we’re talking about a different kind of love, the kind that shows up in our relationships, conversations, and everyday moments of connection.

I sat down with my friend, Macarena Gallardo, a bilingual (Spanish) Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, to talk about what actually makes relationships healthy (hint: it’s not perfection), how our relationship with ourselves plays a role, and the small shifts that can make a big difference.

This conversation helped me release the pressure to “get everything right” and focus more on simple, meaningful connections. I think it might do the same for you.

So let’s talk about relationships!

Shaina: How did you get into the work you do as a marriage & family therapist?

Macarena: I’ve always been deeply curious about how our minds work and how we connect with one another. Before becoming a therapist, I spent about a decade teaching yoga full-time, working closely with people day in and day out, learning about their work lives, personal lives, relationships, and inner worlds. 

Being immersed in the yoga community gave me a front-row seat to human connection and vulnerability. Over time, I became especially interested in relational patterns, how family dynamics shape us, how our past lives in the present, and how much of our relational behavior happens outside of conscious awareness. 

I wanted to help people not only understand these patterns, but also experience themselves differently within them. Becoming a marriage and family therapist felt like a natural evolution of that work: walking alongside people as they navigate change, intimacy, autonomy, and connection, with others and with themselves.

Macarena Gallardo, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

Shaina: I love how your work grew from observing how connection works, which feels like such an important foundation! How would you define a “healthy relationship?”

Macarena: A healthy relationship is one where there is room for both connection and individuality. It’s a space where people can be fully themselves while also being deeply engaged with one another. 

That means being able to have difficult conversations, tolerate differences, express emotions honestly, and remain curious about one another over time. I also think it’s important to normalize conflict. Healthy relationships aren’t conflict-free; they’re repair-capable. 

Conflict, when approached with respect and curiosity, can actually deepen intimacy and trust. It allows partners to understand each other more fully, rather than retreat or disconnect when things get uncomfortable.

Shaina: I love that so much. Healthy relationships aren’t conflict-free; they’re repair-capable. What a great reframe and such a great reminder for all of us. We often hear that relationships should be 50/50. From your perspective, is that actually helpful, or is there a healthier way to think about showing up in relationships?

Macarena: I don’t find the 50/50 framework particularly helpful, because it turns relationships into a ledger. It assumes we always have equal capacity to give, which simply isn’t true. We’re human; our energy, emotional availability, and life circumstances constantly shift. 

I prefer to think of relationships as a “give and give” dynamic rather than “give and take.” In healthy relationships, both people are invested, but not keeping score. There’s flexibility, responsiveness, and an understanding that some seasons require more of one person than of another. 

What matters most is clarity, communication, and mutual responsibility, not equality in numbers.

Shaina: That idea of flexibility feels like a deep sigh of relief! In your experience, how does someone’s relationship with themselves impact their relationships with others?

Macarena: Our relationship with ourselves is the foundation of how we relate to others. When we lose patience with someone else, it’s often worth asking where patience is missing internally. When compassion feels limited or thin, there’s usually a parallel lack of compassion toward ourselves. 

When we stay connected to our inner emotional and bodily experiences, we’re better able to name our needs, set boundaries, and stay present in relationships. Disconnection from self often leads to disconnection from others, needs go unspoken, resentment builds, and authenticity gets lost. 

Self-awareness doesn’t make relationships perfect, but it makes them more honest and alive.

Shaina: It’s so crazy how much is connected between our internal and external, I think people forget how interconnected they are! What’s one common belief about relationships that you see causing more harm than good?

Macarena: This is a tough one… One belief I hear often is, “You have to love yourself before you can love someone else.” I don’t agree with that. 

We learn how to love ourselves in relationships, with friends, partners, therapists, and community. Relationships are one of the primary places where growth happens. That said, relationships do require responsibility. 

Being in a relationship doesn’t replace self-reflection; it invites it. The goal isn’t perfection before connection, but awareness within connection. Relationships can be powerful containers for healing when we’re willing to reflect, repair, and grow.

Shaina: That’s such a great reframe. Growth happens inside relationships instead of before. What’s one small shift people can make that often has a big positive impact on their relationships?

Macarena: Getting more specific with language. We often default to vague emotional shorthand: “fine,” “good,” “busy.” Specific language brings clarity and intimacy.

Instead of “my day was fine,” try “my day was overwhelming,” or “it was uneventful but draining.” Specificity invites curiosity. It opens the door for deeper conversation and helps partners stay emotionally engaged with each other’s inner worlds, even in the ordinary moments.

Shaina: I love that, such a small shift, but so cool to see how it changes the vibe. How can people better communicate their needs without feeling “too much” or afraid of conflict?

Macarena: It helps to understand how your needs connect to your values, and how those values inform your boundaries. Boundaries aren’t walls; they’re clarity. 

When you know what matters to you and what you’re available for, communicating needs feels less like a demand and more like self-respect. Conflict isn’t the problem; avoidance is. When needs are expressed clearly and grounded in values, conflict becomes an opportunity for understanding rather than something to fear.

Shaina: This time of year can bring up a lot around love, expectations, and comparison. What would you want people to remember about relationships during February?

Macarena: So many thoughts for this one… I want people to remember that relationships are lived experiences, not performances. We’re not meant to measure our relationships against social media images or romantic ideals. 

Real relationships include longing, imperfection, repair, joy, and growth, all at once. Love doesn’t always look polished. Sometimes it looks like showing up, staying curious, and choosing connection even when it’s uncomfortable.

Shaina: So good. Relationships aren’t performances. Such a great reminder for this time of year. What advice would you give to someone who is single and working on building healthy relationships, romantic or otherwise?

Macarena: Be patient and compassionate with yourself. Relationship patterns take time to understand and unlearn. And don’t do this work alone, growth happens in relationship, not isolation. 

Share what you’re learning with people you trust. Let relationships, romantic or not, be places where you practice honesty, boundaries, active listening, understanding, and curiosity.

Shaina: Yes, growth happens with connection, not isolation! One final question for you, if someone takes away just one thing from this conversation, what would you hope it is?

Macarena: If someone takes away just one thing, I hope it’s that relationships aren’t about finding the “right” person or doing everything perfectly. 

They’re about staying curious, taking responsibility for our impact, and choosing connection again and again, even when it feels uncomfortable or vulnerable. 

Relationships are living, evolving systems that invite us to grow, reflect, and stretch beyond what’s familiar. Our humanness isn’t something to overcome; it’s the very ground where intimacy, repair, and meaningful connection are built.

Final Takeaway:

Thank you so much, Macarena! I love how this conversation helped put the focus on curiosity, responsibility, and connection…with others and with ourselves.

If this conversation resonated with you and you’d like to learn more about Macarena, you can follow her professional work at @andesmindfulspace, where she shares gentle insights on relationships and nervous system support. You can also find her on her personal page @macarena.lmft

And if this conversation made you realize your relationship with yourself could use a little more care too…that’s exactly why I’m running the 3-Day Self Love Challenge starting February 11th. Because the relationship you have with yourself shapes everything else.